If I were in a room with the one who hurt me the most.......Part 1

     This is to the one person who I was supposed to call 'dad'. The one who was supposed to be my first love, the one who was supposed to be my protector, the one who was supposed to be my king, the one who was supposed to call me his 'princess'. I adored you and I had admired you, when I was young. I thought you were going to say with my mom forever. It felt honestly life a fairytale. As if I had everything that I needed and then some. A loving father, who adored my mom, my sister and myself. But you ruined it all, by cheating on my mom, by doing it in front of me as if it was the most normal thing. You hurt my mom as if it was even okay to call her all the wrong things in the book. You did it as if it was nothing, you hurt my mom in many ways than you could think of, thinking she would poison you. By hurting her you hurt me and my sister. Your children, 

    You called my mom all the wrong things, as if it was going to make things any better, but it didn't. I just want to know why you married my mom when you did not love her, or any particle of her. Why were you not there, for me, or my mom ever. Why did you think it was okay to, destroy the love that she had for you. You never fed me or my sister, while at it, you were destroying slowly but surely the love that, my sister and I had for you while destroying who my mom was. How was it okay to not help the mother of your children in any way possible, how did you think it was okay to starve us or not even help raise the children you helped fathered. In what world did you think it was okay to do as you pleased, have a single life, while you left to starve your wife and children. Please explain to me, why did you do it. You were telling everyone, you were "looking for me and my sister" when you actually were never doing a single thing to even try to contact us in any way. You had, and I am still assuming still have the power to find me and my sister, and after all these years you still have never done anything to even try and find me, or my sister in any way. You missed so many birthdays, graduations, and talks' you could have had with us. You missed camping trips, picnics, and coffee tallks' with us

    You missed so much, you even have a grandson, and you will miss many more birthdays, graduation parties, and many more things. All because you, yourself decided it was okay to break apart from the perfect family that you had created, only because why?? You decided to cheat on my mom and say that she was apparently poisoning every time she tried to feed you with the very little that you gave her. Or maybe it was that you just didn't want to feel alone. You perhaps thought, she was your ticket out, or perhaps that she was just your toy, giving her decease. But guess what, because of you, I learned to not trust anyone specially a man, most of all. All the strength I learned, I learned it from my mother who raised me and my sister all by herself. She is the one I want to be, because of you I know I will never trust a man, and learn the red flags, from a man who does not love me nor deserve me in any way imaginable, because of you. 

    You hurt the family you created more than you realized, you thought it was just a game. Until one day, you saw that empty house, with no one running to you to great you in any sort of way. You lost the game you thought you were winning.