Have you ever thought....

  Have you ever just have had the need to give up on everything and just disappear and never coming back?? Forgetting about everything and everyone, not saying a word just leaving everything behind without a word, and starting a new life somewhere else, new state or country or anything of any sort of like that?? Because I have had the need to do that more often than not. There has been times when and where I just do not want to be here, but somewhere else where no one knows me whatsoever, and just starting a new life. Starting from fresh, being a new me someone that I've always wanted to be.
   There is times, days or what you will that I just want to walk away, without saying a word to anyone. Deleting any social media and any contact with anyone that I may have with the rest of the world and just start all over again. I have felt the need to do that for quite sometime.
   There is times where I just do not feel happy where I am in general or who I am anymore. I have tried many things but music does not help most of the time. There is times when I feel empty, where nothing helps. Feels like I just exist but nothing makes me feel happy like it used to. There is times when I just do things on command like a robot. I just do not feel like my self anymore most of the time. Few of the things that make me want to be still here is my family, my husband, my pets. If it were not for them I would not exist.
   I feel hurt, empty like if everything was just too wrong. There has been so much in my past that went so wrong. But I am still here, I am ok, I am still living, I'm alive. Many things could have gone so wrong but they did not. I am happy I'm still here, because I get to talk to my mom, when I get a chance to, I get to see my husband everyday, and my pets. I get to hear their voices. kiss them hold them, everything. That is what makes me happy and smile but there are times when I just do not want to be here anymore. Everything hurts me, and makes me sad, but other things make me happy and alive. Everything feels so wrong yet right in some way.
   I do not know how to feel or what to think anymore, or even how to feel. My life feels like a game, like is not real, but real in some way if that makes any sense o anybody out there.

Maybe is the wine talking right now, but most times it feels that way whether I may be drinking or not. But anyway, just wanted to talk to you guys and let you all know I am ok.

   About a week ago or so I resived a pack a few weeks ago I made a Vlog about it but forgot to write a blog about it. But anyway, Ill leave you guys with the video, I hope you guys enjoy it.