What would you do…

    So today I went to the library to return some books I borrowed for a paper for English class I had this spring semester, which going back to school for the spring after 10+ years. Oh man! I forgot how exiting yet tough it was. But what I came to find out, other than me being a stupid young person back in the early 2010’s failing classes and not attending class and such. Is that my pace and GPA is worse than I thought. As well as college classes have either gone up to damn expensive for just three classes $1200 or I was just an idiotic teen. Thinking I was on top of the world thinking it was going to be all good. Other than going through some deep shit with the person I was darting then. Making me blind on how good I had it then, and making me not pay attention in school and what not. I did wanted to attend summer classes yet coming to the realization on how expensive school is out of pocket specially. Not that I couldn’t pay for classes, just I didn’t have the money to pay the amount of money that I needed to pay today. As well as it made me think of how stupid I was when I was 18. I didn’t want to see how good I had it then and not attending classes like I was supposed to. It was stupid of me, because now its tough and difficult specially to bring my GPA up from a 1.0 to a 2.0. Not having the enough money to pay for the classes I needed to take, and being told Im not able yet to turn in papers for the damn appeal I desperately want to submit just because I’m in financial warning and not suspension? How in the hell does that work! I want to get that shit turned in yet I’m being told not to? Because of warning and not suspension? What is that! Now financial aid won’t pay for summer classes, so I have to pay out of pocket. Now Im being told I’m able to get financial aid but why do I have to pay for summer classes out of pocket yet financial aid wont pay? 

    Can anyone explain that to me? How in the heckling world does that work?? Now I understand that I was not doing so well when I was 18. Not doing well at the time hurt me school wise that I am at risk of not getting financial aid anymore. I want to finish my degree that I started when I first started school then. How is no one able to help me or give me the answers that I need, or at least tell me where to go to get my school and financial aid straight. I had more than enough time to think of my future, better late than never, and I’m being sent in circles being told to go here, or there or not to do such things because I’m on warning not suspension. Im being told many many things other than a definite answer or where to actually go to get the help that I desperately need. Or who to even go to to give me the answers that I need. At this point I feel I should give up and out go forward with my degree anymore. Yet I have hope that someone will soon help me and tell me where and how I should do it, and how I can fix everything that I fucked up when I was 18 school wise. Where and how can I start from zero, so I can start clean and finish school, and give it my all like I was supposed to then. Where can I go and how can I do it. Something that does not cost me so much out of pocket for school. 

Why does college have to be too damn expensive, specially in the US of A

I need a little help, please!!

A few days ago I found out I got no insurance no more, I had gone to the pharmacy to get some more medications and I could not, they had told me that my insurance was terminated. That I was not able to get no more medications. It felt so horrible now that I need to pay full price for it all?? I can barely make it to pay my rent,  and now I have to pay over $2000 for medications?? I will end up with nothing not even with a damn dollar to get something to eat. I don't know what to do and I do not know of any other insurances that are not to expensive that will help me out with at least half of the costs of medications and Dr. visits.
  I do not what to do at this point! Medications are expensive as it is, I have been researching about insurances that could be of help to me and help cover some of the costs for medications and Dr. visits. But have found none that could be of help, most are too expensive and the ones that are helpful do not cover anything at all. I do not know what to do at this point. So I am asking for any help that any of you may have at all. As well as any tips that could be of help as well.

Don't judge me, Just read.....

   Lately Ive felt not my self, have not been sleeping as I "should" and when I "do" I don't want to wake up. There is days I don't even want to get off the bed and want to stay in bed all day, when ever that happens I want to call off work, just so I don't have to get off bed or get ready or any of that crap I got to do. There is other days I feel like if there is nothing wrong with me, other days I feel as if everything is so wrong, everything bothers me and want to snap someones neck. I don't in fact do it but there is days I want to though, others feel ok others feel as if everything is just so wrong I want to cry and let everything out, other days feels like there is no such thing as I mentioned earlier. I don't know whats going on and I don't think I want to know either. How do I manage to be more my "self" when I feel everything is wrong yet at the same time nothing is. 

   Ive been invited to dates and I cant bring my self to get ready and go out or even call people or any of such things "normal" people do. How is it I see people spending money like fucking crazy like no tomorrow, and I cant even buy my self a fucking soda for $0.50 cents. If I cant do that I cant even afford my medications. And that is not okay, and according to my insurance I am "making to much" that Im able to afford my own medications, but how is it that there are people living off the fucking government and at the same time they can afford illegal drugs and have a job and have everything all nice and spicy and all good, I cant have a fucking insurance to help me pay for medications that I do really need. But oh no I fucking cant have it because I make too much yet the government helps those so "needy" live off them, but I cant have the shitty insurance.

   How is that fair for me as a Diabetic that requires legal drugs to live another 12 hours and works hard to earn what I have, but those other people that live off the fucking government you give them all nice shit but I cant have that fucking insurance. You tell me how is that fair, how come I need to get drug tested and all in between just to get a job but you don't drug test and do none of that shit for people that live off the damn government, welfare and all that fucking shit. So basically you are buying them illegal drugs and taking them party but you CAN NOT help me pay for the drugs that I need to live another day?? How awesome is that, you take away my insurance because I make too much?? How nice is that!! I go to work everyday just so I can afford the rent and a fucking bus pass, but now I will have to work to be fucking broke because you CANNOT help me and take away my insurance, tell me I make way to much and tell me I got to pay out of pocket $5,000 a month for my diabetes supplies. How fucking great Mr. President, you went out of your fucking way just to take my insurance and other peoples insurance when the majority of them such as my self need it just to be able to afford medications we need on a daily basis, just to live another day. Because without our medication we die. 

   How fucking great, I barely make enough to pay the rent, bills, a bus pass and one fucking soda every two weeks. You did it Mr. President you fucking did it this time. Rasing prices on medications specially Insulin and any other Diabetes related products, just to make it another day not affordable!! You fucking did it!! Thanks Mr. Fucking President you darn did it this time. I do hope you read this and any other pledges that want you to help us the people that work hard for what we want and are fighting battles you do not know a single shit about. Many of us Diabetics CANNOT!!! Afford any medications. We can only afford one thing every 3 to 6 moths because everything is so expensive. Thanks to you I cannot afford medications at all, thanks to you I got Medicaid taken away because "I make to much". I cant even afford half a test strip, how do you want me to pay over $1000 for just one box of insulin pens. And thats without needles that I need to inject it with just so I don't die. Thank you Mr. Fucking President, you really did it this time. Thanks a lot.

P.S. Do not judge me ok, just please try to understand my point of view.

   Venuz <3<3<3