Dear EX....I know you wont read this, but is for you...

   So...Today I was thinking of one of my ex's for some reason or another. I can't explain to you why I was doing such a thing. He was such a bad person to me, everybody kept telling me how bad he was, and how much he was hurting me, even my family and I did not want to listen. Which in a way is typical when you are with someone you "love" and you are blinded by all the bullshit they feed you. You just cant seem to see past it at all. And I was one of them people, which is not okay. I really did have strong feelings for this person, that I usually did the unthinkable for him, well not really the unthinkable but you know did such things that I cant even explain my self why I did such things. I even had fights with my mom and sister because of him. Which that is never okay. I ignored everything and everyone because of him. He was cheating on me right in front of my eyeballs and I did not want to see that. I always told my self that it was not true even though deep down inside I knew it was all true, I just didn't want to believe it. 

   He hurted in every such way, that I do not know how I was able to "survive" all that bullcrap. Even his friends were nasty to me. I was getting hurt so much because of all that to the point that I was cutting my self, and doing other things so I would not feel all that pain that I felt. I just wanted to feel numb, and forget it all it got way too bad, that few times I almost ended up in the hospital, not for cutting but for doing such things you can just only imagine what I did. Yes, I tried killing my self by over dosing on pills. Which is not okay, yes it was and it did got bad at some point, I don't even know why Im even alive now, when few times I almost did die. I was in such pain for so long I almost felt numb. There was many times I wanted to cry but the tears just didn't want to come out or I just wasn't able. I was not my self anymore because of all the hurt and bullying he did and his friends did to me. Summer came and it was all nice, I rarely saw him. I was usually with my sister and my mom. You know doing the typical teenage things such as going to bed late and waking up late, going out with my sister having fun, going to the movies and what not just typical things if that makes sense in any way to you.

   Then the school year started again. I saw him again, he pretended like nothing ever happened, I tried to do the same thing but in a way I could not do it. It hurted to see him, he tried talking to me don't give me wrong I did talk to him but not as much anymore. It went on until my sister and I changed schools. Which was good, since I didn't have to see him everyday he even called to my house to "talk" when it always ended up him telling me he still had feelings for me, and that he could not get me off his mind. Yea right! All he wanted to do all over again was hurt me, manipulated me and do such wrong things to me that I could not bear the feeling of going through the same thing all over again. He begged for me to take him back, which I ended up doing such thing. Which was such baaad idea! But at the time I didn't know what was to come for me. Him and I ended up "living" thoghether for few months, but after 4 or so months it all went down the drain. Him and I got in to such a high fight, that the neighbors called the cops because he was hurting me. He was beating me up, I had cuts on my hands bruces all over me, and I was bleeding way too. He tried putting charges on me and wanted to make me look like the bad guy. The cops, ended up taking both him and I, to jail. I was released a week later since I was found not guilty(innocent) of everything. No charges against me for that at all thank goodness for that. After that I do not know what might of happened to him. And I did not wanted to know either. 

   Months/years later we did not  speak to each other, other than him getting drink and trying to talk to me and talking all nonsense bullshit about how he apparently missed me and all that bullshit. I ended up blocking him form every social site. It got to the point that I had to delete every social account that I had so he could not talk to me or try to reach me either. It was all good until somehow he managed to get my cell number. How did he do it?? I do not know. Why did he do it?? Because apparently he wanted to talk to me again and because he wanted to have a one "last" talk with me and make amends and all that fucking bullshit! I denied talking to him, I never replied to any text messages up until he decided to call leaving me voice mails. It was bad that I had to change phone numbers. It was bad that even before I changed my number his "friends" started harassing me as well. Which was not good at all. I did not want to end up the same way as the times before. So that is why I deleted my phone number. 

   Few years later after happily not hearing and not knowing a single shit from him, I was able to have a social life again and make friends. It was a difficult time that I went through. I was and still am happy that I will always have my family with me and close to me.

Love Letter....to the one that once said "I Love You"

    Dear.....

  I can not help it to get angry at yo sometimes, yes I do love you but you know what does bother me more than anything?? Is the fact that when I send you a text, email or just a random message expressing my feelings towards you or just something I feel you end up telling me that I am exaggerating or that I am just angry. No I am not angry, no I am not exaggerating in anyway. I just want you to know what I am feeling at that moment. 

  If I tell you that I do not feel loved by you no more is because you are not paying attention to me, or because you do not respond back or just tell me idiotic things. At times I feel like I am not the one for you anymore. I feel you are starting to slowly forget about me, or that simply you just found someone else that does the things you want, someone that you can take control of. Yes I may be uncontrollable, I may not hear you or listen to you. But trust me I do pay attention to your needs more than my own. It just feels I am not the one for you anymore. It hurts me that you don't seem to care about me it just seems that way to me. I try to make conversations or just talk like we used to when we first me. Now it just seems that you just don't care anymore. Your always tiered or just complain about how work tires you or how tiered you are. Yes I do understand that but the fact that you just stop talking to me out of the blue or just don't reply back when I send you something makes me feel as if someone else has got your attention already. It hurts me to even think that, but if is so why cant you tell me that you do not want to be with me anymore. I don't want to feel forgotten about you or that I am not the one anymore. 

  It hurts me that you don't seem to care no more. Yes I would like to have you with me already, but why is it that when I send you an email, text message or just a message in general you don't seem to reply back and if you do is because apparently I am angry or just exaggerating things or because I do not want to be with you anymore. If I did not want to be with you anymore, I would had told you long time ago. Instead of not sending you anything not even a smily face or some random stupid picture. I just want you to know that I do love you, you are the one that I want in my life but you do not feel that way anymore just let me know, I wont have hard feelings towards you. I will understand, yes it will hurt me but at least I will get trough it. I just don't want to feel that you are starting to forget me or that someone could have your complete attention, and that I am not just "the one" anymore. It feels like your "friends" seem to care more about me than you.

  When we first me and started talking you always had time to talk to me even if you were "tiered" or "busy" you always made time to talk to me, or just to ask how my day was. You just don't do that anymore. 

  I miss the days we would talk late at night about random things, even the things we wanted to do and what not. But you seem not interested anymore. I feel I am not interesting to you anymore, it seems like you just don't want me in your life anymore. You have hurted me in ways I cannot describe, you let people get in to this "relationship" we have and you just don't do nothing about it. You let your friends and family say nasty things to me, and you do nothing about it. You know is happening but seems you don't care. 

  I am starting to feel this empty loneliness, and sadness that I did not want to feel again. I am starting to lose interest in you, for the things you are doing to me. I am tiered of fighting for you and with you, I seem to have no control anymore in my self. I am starting to not want to be in this "relationship" anymore, why?? Because you are starting to be the things you said you would never be. You are turning in to that monster that you said you'd never be. You are not the guy I first met, your not that funny, sweet loving guy you used to be. Your not the guy that used to want to talk to me anymore, you don't listen to me or hear me out anymore. You are not the guy I used to know anymore, you are now just like the rest of the heard that does not care about his mate anymore. It hurts me knowing that you are losing interest in me, and that you just plainly don't care anymore.

  It was good knowing you while it lasted, now I am left with the bittersweetness of the once relationship we used to have. Memories slowly starting to fade, loneliness filling me inside I am staring to slowly forget about your voice and facial features I once loved to see and hear. That touch that made me feel wanted and loved, that sweetness on your lips that made me want more, is just fading away now. It was good while it lasted, but now I know I wont get that anymore. It was good knowing you while it lasted.

   Jupiter <3 <3