Hey Everyone! The week so far has been good to me..

     Hello everyone! I know it has been a while since I have talked to you, last time I talked to you was about a week ago? I think I talked about work and mental health things. But anyways, so! Monday this week I started a new job, and it has been good so far with the exception of waking up extra early to get ready, get Toby out for his business at an ungodly hour of the day, which is unfair for him. Poor thing just looks at me like 'what the heckin is the issue why are you taking me out at this hour, its sleepy time' but then again, he has the whole day to sleep it all off until I come back from work and gets to go out again for another walk at a 'normal' time. As I mentioned I started a new job on Monday, and it's at a Dunkin' Donuts. I am liking it so far, and what is making me like it more is that I get to start early enough normal human hours when I get off, I get to be home earlier to spend more time with the dog. Which I am liking, because who does not want to spent time with the dog right?!?! I am all for it, to spend more time with the dog more often than not.

    When I was looking for a job for almost two months, it felt like I was not going to find a new job. I even had applied at my old job at the casino, even though I am just not okay anymore working the night shift anymore, I wanted them to call me and 'interview me' and offer me the job back. I was getting paid good, heck! It's a casino of course they pay well, with benefits included (i.e. medical, vision, dentist) I wanted that, but they never did call me back, the application I had put in is still 'under review' but at this time it does not even matter really anymore. I now feel more like a normal person working normal working hours during the daytime rather than working the nightshift. As it was screwing with my mental health which is not at all okay in any way at all, to me at least. Now that I have daytime working hours, I feel better about myself, and my mental health is in a better place now than when I was working the night shift. Not that I have much of a social life, but when I was working the night shift it felt like I did not have a social life in any way, since I was sleeping the whole day, just to wake up at night only to head to work when everyone is asleep and sleep when everyone is awake working or out doing something 'fun' whatever it was. The poor dog was even awake during the time I was asleep getting some rest just to do it all over again during the night. It was not okay for me in any way, especially for the dog waiting on me to get up and take him out to the patio area. I just did not think it was okay for me specially for the dog. I did not even get to see my family over the holidays because I was working the night shift.

    Now it's all over for a long while, not having to work the night shift anymore, now I get to have more of a social life to put like that, I get to do normal things like go out and have some type of fun. I like the fact that I get to go out to the Arts District and take Toby with me for some fun and experience more things and see what all the fun is about. I even get to do UberEATS deliveries during the daytime as well, and have fun while doing that, and Toby gets to come along as well as it gets him out of the house for longer periods of time, people love it when I bring Toby with me, my four-legged bestie with me. 

    That is, it for now guys! I just wanted to give you all some type of update on what has been going on with me since last we spoke. I hope you guys are having the best day or night wherever you are in the world! Stay safe, well talk soon.

                                            With Love,

                                                        Venuz

           p.s. Remember that you are amazing and beautiful! You are wanted!

Hey, whats going on *life update*

    For the past few days I have been thinking and perhaps, I should gather up my thing and move else where. Yes maybe it sounds weird, or as if I am trying to run away from something or my problems. But no I am not trying to runaway from anything or my problems at all. But in my mind I think starting fresh somewhere new would in part make me feel as free as any, and not feel as pressured as I do now. As work and the people I am around it makes me feel as if I am not doing the best. It all makes me feel as if I am being pressured down. It all feels as if I’m not my self anymore. It feels as if Im killing my self to live, in a job I do not enjoy anymore, where did it all go wrong. Where did it go from me willing to come in to work and enjoy my job to fuck this shit, I dont want to come in to work I hate this and the job sucks, and I hate the people I work with.

    At first when I started the job I did enjoy it. It was looking forward to work, but all just changed and now work just seems to not be so enjoyable anymore. People wanting to fire everyone else including their “close friends” from work. Everything just seems to not be enjoyable anymore, at work at least. 

    I do not enjoy comming to work anymore, but I have to as bills wont pay them selves. Everyday people make it seem as if I’m the worse person around, it feels as if I am being forced to be someone I am not, feels as if I am forced to be someone else and not my self.

Good Evening People!

    How's everyone doing toning?! I am well enough, I just don't know whether I am tired, exhausted, or just not there anymore. Though today, I spent the day doing nothing, other than taking Toby out for his walks, and washing clothes and somewhat cleaning my apartment. But other than that, I did nothing at all, I just watched YouTube, and Netflix. As well as wondering if I actually want a work from home job or keep the one that I have. Though as I've told the people I work with, that a work from home job, sounds a bit too enticing. As I can spend more time with Toby my fur baby child! As well as a bit more free time I feel like to do what I need to do such as schoolwork, and more time to care for my self, not that I do not have the time to, wich I do. But working the night shift, I feel too exhausted. I do not feel like a normal person at all. I am not saying I dislike my job, because I don't, what I dislike is that I feel like I dont have a darn life whatsoever in anyway at all. Its not like I have one anyway, but I would like to feel like an actual human being with a "normal" life working normal hours, during the day. Which I don't have having to work the night shift, which I dislike. I've applied for almost any that is during the day, but apparently, I am too overqualified for their position, or they just do not want me at all. But whatever the case is, I won't stop applying for a different type of job where I can feel normal.

    Another thing though too, as an adult I've felt like "running away" more of then I did when I was a teenager. No, I'm not running away from anything, nor do I have any problems with anyone or anywhere at all. But in the senesce that I would love to start a new life somewhere else, a fresh new start where no one knows me. Just a damn new fresh start from scratch. Maybe I'm just trying to find myself my own happiness anywhere else that's not here, not where I am currently living. I am happy with my self, just not the city or state where I currently reside at all. It somehow feels wrong in many ways, I just don't know how to go about getting away from here. I for one don't have a car, but its not like I need one anyway, secondly, I don't have the money to just buy a ticket and just go. If I did though, I'd probably be gone by now with no words to anyone. I would probably if I feel crazy enough to do so, I would do it. Just packing my things and being gone. Probably Texas, or Oklahoma, probably Massachusetts or maybe Maine. Who knows. When that time comes for me to do that crazy thing, I will let you guys know where I'm headed.