I love my mom, that lady did so much for my sister and I being a single parent, I do not know how the hell she did it. Specially with a such child like my self, a Type One (1) Diabetic. I give her props for all that she did for me and my sister. At times I beat my self and majority of the time Im often hard on my self as well. First off because I was a disgusting piece of s**t. I was too rebellious and often times did wrong. I didn’t want to listen to no one specially my mom at the time. How I treated my mom when I was a teenager was just wrong. At times I wished I could go back in time and change everything I did wrong and make it right. In a way I understand why I did it yet it was not an excuse for me to do such things. I was in an abusive relationship with a guy I was dating from high school. He forced me to stop talking to my mom and my sister. I couldn’t talk to my family, friends, I could not even go to school because of him. I was being mentally, physically, and emotionally abused by this person. It was horrendous. My mom and my sister and some friends did not know how to help me. Hell!! I didn’t even know how to help my self! At the time I felt I was “in love” with him but the truth was I was blinded, and did not want to see the truth from what was really going on. Now as a 32 year old woman thinking back on it all, I realize how stupid and blinded I was by this man. How bad he treated me, I can’t even say his name because, or even date another person with the same name. I remember I say this person once in a casino downtown, I was going in to the restroom, I saw him sitting by one of the slot machines and I started having an anxiety attack, I did tell the person I was dating then about it. He stood by the restroom waiting for me until I was. He covered me so my abuser didn’t see me. I appreciated that so much, before I even told my boyfriend then anything or him even seeing him he knew, by the way I was acting Which in a way that was really nice of him that he protected me from my past abuser.
But anyway, all I can do now not that I can repair or make my family forget what I did in the past. All I can try and do is mend it, and prove them that I am not the person I was then. That I have changed, doing better and not with the same antics I was doing then. I am happy now as a single person mm of a fur baby that makes happy everyday! That little dog Mr. Toby my bundle of love wrapped in fur is what keeps me happy, knowing that I have to feed a month is the best thing that has ever happened to me, after my shish-tzu died a few years ago. Toby is a rescue dog, Im not sure how old he is, yet all I can do right now is give him the best life and moments and perhaps memories that I can before he goes over the rainbow hopefully in my arms.
Often times when me and my mom hangout and we go shopping and thrifting I love it. I love it when me and my mom get to hang out. Of course love talking to her! I feel like the relationship between her and I has had been getting slightly better in a way. For one she and I do not live under the same roof which in a way makes it better because we miss it being together that when she and I get to see each other it makes it better, and we have more things to talk about and share with each other which is great! What I need to now do is try and fix the relationship between me and my sister, which is not going to be easy but I know it can happen. Perhaps I can invite her for coffee or shopping brunch perhaps. And catch up with one another. That shall be one of my next goals to do, I miss her and the good relationship she and I had when we where younger. We shall see when I can happen. For now is all I wanted to share with you guys.
It’s time to go for me, I hope you guys are having a wonderful day or night wherever you are in the world!
With love,
Venuz
