Day 3: My Personality & Values…

    Many people have said to me my personally comes off as strong, that I don’t seem friendly, that I look too serious, and never seem to smile at all. But you see, they never seem to notice my good days. I am a happy person, I like to see the good on every bad. I am a kind person, I am the friend that will stay by your side and lift you up when your down and make evry possible thing to make you smile when your down, I will make sure you are happy when your down. I will help you pick up the broken pieces and make sure you are your truest self when your not even half way there. I am kind, friendly person, I am a good hearted person, rough around the edges maybe. I had to learn how to be strong, and take no shit from anyone. I do not hold grudges there is no point of them, but if a person takes advantage of me in such a way, I get lied on, you get caught and you still lie on top of that, I will make sure you never hear from me again. I am the person who will desapear just like that.

    I value my friendships very much so, I am the type of friend that will stay with you till the end. You fall I will make sure I laugh at you and with you while I help you up. Maybe even perhaps we both may end up in jail for some dumb thing we did. But I will make sure you know I am by your side no matter what, trough the good, the bad and the ugly. I will love my pet more that I love my self and anyone else. As my dog has been the one who’s proven his truest loyalty and love to me without question. His love to me is the purest kind, so innocent he loves and accepts me with no judgment. That is what I value so much from my dog. My dog to me is perfectly imperfect to me and I love him dearly so, and that is never going to change. What I value most from anyone is one who will love me for who I am, with or without flaws, will accept me for who I truly am without any judgment. 

    I value friendships just as much as I do my family. I will see you as my sister from another mister or brother from another mother. How ever you want to take it. 

                                   

              

Day 2: 10 Facts About Me…

FACT ONE: 

    My favorite ice cream flavor??? Coffee/Cappuccino I don’t eat ice cream very much but whenever I do o r get the chance to, my go to flavor is coffee or cappuccino if available if not i go for strawberry.

FACT TWO:  

    My favors drink is Coffee plain black coffee if I want to feel fancy Ill put some creamer specially on iced coffee. I started drinking coffee/cappuccino around 13/14 years old. Ever since I loved it.

FACT THREE: 

    I have Type One (1) Diabetes, I was diagnosed when I was 5 years old. I remember some things from the time, not every single one but I do remember some things, it was a very scary thing, then and still is now, but I have managed to deal with Diabetes now Bette as an adult than I did when I was a teenager.

FACT FOUR: 

    I have PTSD for some things I dont think I am ready to talk about quite yet, here on my blog. Hopefully I will but not quite yet, as I did experience some very serious things, one was me being in a Domestic Violence relationship. I am going to therapy and it has helped me much, as I finally have found the right therapist for me.

FACT FIVE: 

    My favorite food or go to, is tacos, but I mean who does not like some good tacos either way, I like sushi as well, though it is expensive I once in a while do treat my self to some sushi. My go to food when I am at work though is French Fries, topped with cheese, ranch and salad, and a doughnut if hey have any. Also doughnuts are another favorite of mine, though I try not to eat those suckers very much.

FACT SIX: 

    My favorite activists are, riding my bicycle and taking the dog with me whenever I get the chance to, I also love doing arts and crafts. Such as decorating my clothes, making my own clothes, bags, etc. I am currently in process of decorating my bicycle helmet along my dogs bicycle helmet. Sowing is my favorite part of the whole process even if I am not that good, I enjoy it very much.

FACT SEVEN:

    My favorite type of music is Rock/Hard Rock/Black Metal. My number one band is My Chemical Romance and Seether. They are my top two, and the song that is currently playing is Remedy by Seether which is my number one song from them. I do not quite remember how I found about them, but they are my favorite right behind MCR. My top two with female leads/vocalists are In This Moment and Halestorm. I could go on and on about music and other bands that I like and the music I listen to and the why I do, so I will stop here for now, and I may do write about it at a later time for you guys if you are interested.

FACT EIGHT:

    Top things that are on my bucket list, one is to get my license, and learn to drive better than I do, so I can rent a car maybe and go on a road trip with my dog by my side. I am unsure where I would go on a  road trip to, but is one of the things I want to do. Go on a road trip, as well as visit Italy, Norway. Amsterdam, maybe even New Zealand. 

FACT NINE: 

    My dogs name is Toby, he’s a rescue. He was found on the streets, and my mom did not want him not did she wanted to take him to the animal shelter so she asked if I wanted him which I did. I have had him since 2017. He was in a very rough shape and state. Yes it took a while for him to trust me, but now he wont leave my side. And he is the one who gets exited when I get home, the one who welcomes me with licks and barks and the whole chabang. I love that dog very much so.

FACT TEN: 

    If I had the chance to take an artist on a date, I don’t think I’d pick an  artist but someone more personal to me, so I can appreciate them and how much of an impact they have done on my life. But if it had to be an artist/s it would be ones that I enjoy the music from such Seether and/or My Chemical Romance or In This Moment, to appreciate them and how much their music has done good for me and how it helped me trough the darkness I ever was and how their music still helps me and many others feel like were not alone.

                                                             

   

Day 1: Introduction

    Hello Everyone! I hope you are doing well today. Me? I am doing well so far, just tired. Other than that…Let me introduce myself.

    My name is Venuz, I am 33 years old. I struggle with mental health like many of you out there, I also am a Type One Diabetic, I was diagnosed when I was just 5 turning 6 years old. I do not remember much about my diagnosis, majority of it I do. I have a rescue fur baby his name is Toby, and I love that dog very much so! Hes the love of my life! I am attending school as well, yes its tough attending school and work fulltime, but I am dong what I can to make it. 

    I love music, horror and comedy movies, I love going to concerts whenever I get the chance to. I love reading, as well as writing, I do not go out very much, other than taking Toby my dog for his daily walks, which I do enjoy just as much as he does. Majority of the time I rather just stay in and stay in bed other than walking the dog. I like attending to my therapist appointments, my therapist now I feel comfortable and happy with him, as it took me a while to find one I felt comfortable with. 

    I love riding my bicycle and taking Toby with me whenever I go out for a bicycle ride, as it makes me feel free. Riding my bicycle makes me happy as it helps me clear my mind just as much as walking does. If I had a car I would go out on drives as it also is calming in some type of way just as much as riding a bicycle.

    Everyday I try to take it slow, and remind myself to love myself a little bit more, and remind myself that I am worthy, and more than just enough. I try to take things slow, and do what I can to romanticize my life and see the beauty in everything. I do what I can do see the positive in every negative, and uplift someone that may be having a bad day, just as much as I do for myself. Everyday I remind myself that everything will be okay, as well as not stress myself for the things I cannot change, and the things I am able to change turn them in to the best thing. Some days can be rough but what I like to do when such days happen is to stay in with the dog, and do some self care, such as getting in the tub, put on a face mask, put Netflix/Amazon Video a podcast or a YouTube video on the background and relax. Journal to get my mind clear before taking a nap after getting in the hot tub. Also read a book, paint my nails and talk to my dog, helps me relax if I do stay at home and not do anything else. Reminding myself that it was just one ugly day, and that I can always turn it around and make it the best day ever, even if I stay in for the day/night. Pampering myself/selfcare days are always a good thing, specially if you just want to say in for the day/night and just stay in bed and do nothing else. It’s what I do.

            

             

Should I or should I not….30 day challenge *Pinterest Idea*

     I hope everyone's day or night is going well, were ever you are in the world at the moment.    I was thinking for a little while I was writing a rant about work and all those shenanigans, that instead I wanted to do one of those challenges from Pinterest that float around here and there, the 30 day one?? Or something not that long, perhaps something I can do on my days off? And record my experiences here, if you wanted. What do you guys think?? I think it will be a nice idea for us to do and include Toby along our shenanigans and learn a little bit more about myself and I (we) get to spend more time with Toby! As well as he’ll have some fun along the way, don’t you think? As well as it’ll be a good idea since it may help me with my mental health and how to learn how to love myself more and romanticize my life with Toby included and enjoy every beautiful moment, I get to spend with Toby my fur baby love bug.    

    As every day is always a new day, I am thankful I get to wake up another day and get to spend it with him my dog, as well as I am glad, I even have a job and a roof over my head, and I often forget about that. I often forget to appreciate the small things. By doing small self-care things that include the dog, will not only strengthen our relationship but also, get him and I both out of the house once in a while and make him feel not so stress and that he is included in everything I do. Even if it is something that we do inside.

    Being in therapy has helped me much lately. I in some ways see things differently, as well as I love my therapist! I feel comfortable enough to talk about everything and anything with them. Yes I know that is what a therapist is for. A friend that you are paying to listen to your shit, and help you with your struggles, stressors and everything else that comes with mental health. It took me too long to find a therapist and to convince myself to even go out there and find one or even ask/mention it to someone that I needed help in that sense. I finally found the right therapist for me where I feel comfortable coming and talking to them. Where I know I am not going to be judged in any way.

                            

The Las Vegas Aviators....

    I am very excited because next week on Wednesday I will be attending a baseball game and my date guess who will it be?? Toby! My fur baby love bug, will be my date to the Baseball Game next week. I have never really attended any baseball games prior to next week, or any sporting event before. I am exited to attend the game and take the dog with me to the game. From my understanding every Wednesday is when you can take your dog to the game if you would like to do so. When I bought my ticket and Toby's ticket the total was $25 including taxes and all, I bout my ticket trough Ticket master, as they have the option to get your ticket and your pets ticket. The disclaimers that they have before proceeding to the ticket checkout is that of course your pet has to be vaccinated, and friendly enough with there pets and such as per usual. As well as I believe any proceedings or ticket bought the money goes to help pets in need and animal shelters and such, that is my understanding from that. I am not so sure though. I cannot wait for the day to be here already for me and Toby to make our way to the Ball Park to enjoy the evening at the Baseball Game. Ill for sure update you guys on that day how it all went.

    

    Update:    I apologize for this very late update on the game day that the dog and I went to this past Wednesday. I will tell you that it was very fun! Yes, we got there a tad late, as Toby and I were very tired that day from work. But we did get there. He got a hot dog as promised of course! I did enjoyed myself. I will say. As I and Toby do not really go to sports events like such, but I think we will start doing so on Wednesdays as it is doggie ball game on Wednesdays. Of course, he's going to get hot dogs and such. I have linked were you can get tickets for the ball game if you wanted to take your dog, or even  go yourself or take someone with you if you'd like to. I promise it will be fun for your dog and yourself, as it will be something different for the both of you and sort of like an outing for the both of you. As you will get to spend more time with your fur baby. 

                              

https://youtu.be/usXpcsang0w

P.S. Updates will come the day of during and after the game.

                            with love,

                                       Venuz <3

To fly or not to fly…

    Hey everyone! I. Hope everyone is doing well, were ever you are in the world. 

    Almost daily I think how my life could be if I ever made the bold move to pack my things and leaving this town behind and moving elsewhere and start fresh. Just packing my things such as clothes and other nesecities and just go, and leave everything behind without telling anyone. Not because I am running away from everything or trying to hide from anything or anyone at all. But because maybe I want to feel something exciting and experience something new. Somewhere where no one knows me at all, start fresh.

    Maybe it sounds crazy to someone, but not me. I don’t feel as calm or happy as I want to here in this town where I live. It all feels so wrong, okay in some way, yet wrong. As if I do not belong in any way possible. I feel judged, most of the time, and everything I do it seems wrong to everyone else. It feels like I do not belong. Nothing really seems to feel right to me.

       

    I do my best to romanticize my life the best I can, and self-care when I have the change to. I do the the best I can to bring in more positive in my life and remind my self that my life is just as beautiful as I am. But perhaps I live in a world full of negatives. I try to distance myself from the negative and add more positive. Perhaps it may be why I just want to go to a place where I may feel different and not so much all the negative. A beautiful and calm place where I truly can be my self, and not feel judged in any way. I may do that sooner than later, somewhere I know I will feel the way I want…

            

It Feels Good…

   Today as we celebrate the 4th of July, I am celebrating it with family. I feel happy that I get to be with family this day, not because its a holiday or the 4th of July, but because I get to spend it with family. Something I did not think was possible as we are trying to heal past troubles, and traumas between us. Now that there is a new addition to our family, my nephew. That makes it all more too magical, as I never thought I was going to be an aunt this soon or ever, and now having a baby in the family it all just seems surreal yet happy and all okay.

    It makes me feel okay with my self that I am now starting to be a little bit closer wtih my sister, getting to know her all over again. Though perhaps things may not be the same as they were in the past with me and my family, but I want to believe its going to get better as time goes by. I hope things with my sister and I get better and become closer in so me way, as well as with my mom I hope everything gets better with her and I. Things changed overtime with us all, I am not so sure where everything went so wrong so bad, so fast that now I feel I dont know who I truly am or who my family is anymore. Though having spent one day wiht my family it all felt so right, it in some way felt like a dream, a dream I did not want to get away from.

    

Hey, whats going on *life update*

    For the past few days I have been thinking and perhaps, I should gather up my thing and move else where. Yes maybe it sounds weird, or as if I am trying to run away from something or my problems. But no I am not trying to runaway from anything or my problems at all. But in my mind I think starting fresh somewhere new would in part make me feel as free as any, and not feel as pressured as I do now. As work and the people I am around it makes me feel as if I am not doing the best. It all makes me feel as if I am being pressured down. It all feels as if I’m not my self anymore. It feels as if Im killing my self to live, in a job I do not enjoy anymore, where did it all go wrong. Where did it go from me willing to come in to work and enjoy my job to fuck this shit, I dont want to come in to work I hate this and the job sucks, and I hate the people I work with.

    At first when I started the job I did enjoy it. It was looking forward to work, but all just changed and now work just seems to not be so enjoyable anymore. People wanting to fire everyone else including their “close friends” from work. Everything just seems to not be enjoyable anymore, at work at least. 

    I do not enjoy comming to work anymore, but I have to as bills wont pay them selves. Everyday people make it seem as if I’m the worse person around, it feels as if I am being forced to be someone I am not, feels as if I am forced to be someone else and not my self.

Self-Care Before/After Work

    There is many different ways I think of self-care, one is staying home with my fur baby, and watching movies, some type of show on Netflix or Amazon, or some videos on YouTube. Stay in bed and do nothing at all, other than taking the dog out on his walks and that is it. Other times I of course feel like a clean freak and want to clean my whole apartment, make myself look really pretty and do all kinds of things, and take my fur baby along for the ride or long walks. Other times I want to stay home and do fake masks, make some yummy breakfast with a podcast or music on the background. or something like that, painting my nails and you know things like that.      But most important of all though self care is mental health. It took me a while to find a therapist that I felt comfortable with, and not judged. I love the therapist that I have! Yes I have in person sessions with him, but I am okay with that. I have had tried the Better Help thing, do not give me wrong it was nice to not have to come in to the office, I like the idea of not getting out of my house and just staying witht the dog. But at the same time, going to see my therapist give me in some way the chance to get out of the apartment for even a few hours. Yes self care comes in many ways, also in a self care routine there has to be the time to care for your mental well being. It did take me a while to find that ‘perfect’ therapist that I felt comfortable with but I finally did it! That for me is the first step of self care, as I am taking care of a big thing that will help me take care of everything else at the end of the day.

    Self care is my mental health first then  everything else that comes along with it all, such as face masks if any, going out on a walk with Toby, taking myself out on a date, and such things. Little by little I have done things differently, that have ended up being the bigger things. I have felt a little bit happier day by day, I dont feel as angsty on the daily basis as I used to. My self care comes along with taking care of my metal health first then the rest of it all. That for me is self care priorities, one of my routines that comes with it, as it does and will help me in many ways than otheres.

    Remember to take care of your mental health, do not be afraid to ask for help if you need it, reach out for help as you see fit. Talk to whoever you trust.

MENTAL HEALTH HELP

NAMI

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

SELF CARE *daily*

every day care

Very Well Mind

Pride Month & Mental Health

    I would liket to say Happy Pride Month to everyone! And that I am happy for everyone out there that is celebrating it weather on your own, with friends & family and/or with people that support you. I am an ally and big supporter of the community, I truly am. I remember the first time I went to a night club here in Las Vegas called Piranha, it was an amazing club! I enjoyed the Queens show! It was an amazing show and one I truly enjoyed. And honestly all the queens looked gorgeous! As one does, and the make up let me tell you! They all looked more lady like than me, that confidence though! 

        

    I would just like to say though, do not feel the need to hide who you truly are. You do not have to accommodate to everyone else’s needs for them to like you. Because you are beautiful and gorgeous just as you are. Be who you are, as someone will come that will vibe with you and match’s your colors as they are, someone will like you and want you as you are and would not want you to change yourself to meet someone else’s needs. Your true friends will love you and will never let you down, rather will help you get to the top just as you are. Please reach out and check in with your friends and family as you we may not know what kind of hell they may be going through and may not know how to reach out for help. Your mental health matters just as much as you do. 

    If you or someone that you know is being harassed, attacked, or struggling check in with them and as what can you do to help them, and if they are okay. You are a magical wonderful person who deserves to be alive just as much as the person behind you at the coffee shop. You are worthy just as much to show to the world who you are, and dress how you want just as much. Remember that if no one likes it is them the problem not you, as you are being true to yourself, as it should be. 

    Be proud of who you are every single day, not just the one month, as you are an amazing person just the way you are. In this world there is a lot of stigmas in/surrounding the LGBTQI+ community, a lot of wrongs towards it as well and I believe that is the wrongs thing to do to judge and attack someone for who they are. As all the attacks and bullying towards the all the people contributes to mental health issues and suicides. 

    If you or anyone that you know are struggling with mental help please reach out. As you are needed in this world. I will leave some links where you can seek help, for you or someone you know that may need it.

                With Love,

                             Venuz

The Center Las Vegas LGBTQI+

Pride Counseling

lgbt center san diego, Cali

LGBT Center of Raleigh