How are you today?

Today, I feel good with my self. I have a wonderful dog that loves the heck out of me, and of course I love the living heck out him too. He’s my very own best friend, I feel like he understand me better than any human could. Toby is a rescue, he was found on the streets, with no name tag, no collar no nothing at all. I love that dang dog I really do, it may sound ridiculous to some, but unless you have had owned a pet weather it has been a dog, cat, whatever kind of pet you have owned, you know they understand you, how you feel and such. You don’t have to say a single damn thing to them, just one look and they know somehow. I don’t know for sure, but I strongly believe that pets understand us better than anyone human could. The purest of love you could ever have, and experience is from a pet, they love you unconditionally, they are even the first ones to get exited to see you when you come home from work, they greet you like crazy! They throw a party and hooray you even if they haven’t seen you for five minutes they get crazy exited! That is what I love about my dog. 

    But anyway! There is days where find my self, wondering what do I want out of life. What do I really want today, what about tomorrow, or five years from now. You would think that by age 30 I would have had everything figured out in life….my life. But to be honest and truthful I don’t. I’m 32 now and I still do not know what the hell I want, I do not have my life figured out at all. Sure! It may appear from the outside looking in that I may have my life figured out, and that I may know what I want and all, but I don’t. Yes I am happy of the person I have become, because I am not the same person I was a month ago, let alone five years ago. Just because I changed for the better and turned my life around, does not mean I have my life figured out all the way through. Yes, I do have a job and can pay my bills and all that comes to being an adult. Yet that does not mean, I know what I truly want. I probably should right? When I was 21 I thought I did, I even thought I was on top of the world even. But the truth is I am not, my life is not how I wanted planed it to be, that is because life had other plans for me. That is a okay by me. Life gave me some difficult tasks I had to go trough in order for me to grow up and not see it as the world owes me something, because the world does not owe me a single damn thing at all. Yes I did wrong the people I was not supposed to wrong, and righted the ones who I was not supposed to. That was not okay in my part, yes I was young, naive and stupid and yes I thought I was on top of the world. Truth is I was never even half way there. I wanted to feel “cool”, and fit in. 

Now because of my actions from when I was young and naive, I don’t even know what I want out of life or even my self, that has been one question that has been asked of me many, many times before, yet I do not have an answer to that because I do not know what I want. Something I should be asking my self at least once a day, what do I truly want, what do I see my self doing for longer than six months. What do I see my self doing that will make me happy and see my self doing for years. What does truly make me happy. I should perhaps know, but I do not know. I hope I find my self, and whatever makes me happy truly happy, I hope to find that pretty soon. Because there is days where I do not feel truly happy with my self.

With Love, Venuz 🌹