So, yesterday I had an interview at White Castle, I am sure most of you know about that restaurant and such. Yea the sliders are good, I like the Jalapeno flavor ones. In fact, it went really well, I got offered the job and hired on the spot. Which I thought it was a good thing, since my last job decided to let me go for some differences management, and I had. Which I talked about on another blog a few days ago. Anyway, I was happy that I got the job. All I have to do is go get the background check and the drug test that they need me to do, before I start. It came as a surprise a good one at best I had submitted the application the day or two prior I got the call for an interview yesterday. I like the fact that is walking distance from where I live, which is good, mind you I do not drive, or own a car. I usually tend to either use public transportation, ride my bicycle, or walk, to where I need to. Which I do not mind doing any of those things, many people use public transportation, walk or ride their bicycles just like myself. There is nothing wrong with using any of those things in anyway. I think is a great way to save the environment in many ways. For me walking or riding my bicycle is a form of me getting some exercise I am getting, like many other people who do the same things.
When I started writing this blog about the job and such, I was feeling some type of way. I was not sure how to take it. I was feeling jittery, somewhat anxious, and felt somewhat unfocused, as well as well as a gut feeling, and was not sure if it was good or not. It mostly felt like something good, which I hope something good will be happening. At the same time, I felt angsty, not sure why, I did take my medication for anxiety a bit late though, but I did take it. Feeling angst, anxious as if something is wrong or if I had done something, is not a good feeling, I do not like feeling this way. I just hope it is something good and not bad in any way. When I start feeling this way, I do the best I can to think of good and positive things to try and make myself feel better, not so panicky, angsty or so anxious, and do the best to take deep breaths to try and calm down a bit. Yet I do let myself and my body feel what it needs to feel yet try and calm down and tell myself everything will be okay, that it all will pass.
Most of the time I hear 'How come you do not have everything figured out. You're an adult now in your 30's. You should already be stable, with your life figured out, and know what you want at this point in your life.' But guess what I don't, just because people say I should does not mean I have to. Just because I am in my 30's does not mean I have to have my life figured out, or even be married with children or whatever. No, I don't want to be married or have children. I am perfectly fine being single with no children to care for. I am perfectly fine being a dog owner/dog mom. I feel happy that way, that the only thing I have to deal with and care for is my dog. I do not want to feel forced to have to wake up early to feed a man or a significant other. I don't have my life figured out in anyway, just like most people my age, and that's okay. I don't go having five- or ten-year plans like most people do. I probably should, but to me there is no point of having that in any way. I do not see myself married with children in the next five years let alone in ten years. I really do not see myself like that, maybe with like 10 dogs and a big house and a big backyard yes, so they have some where to run and play and such.
I do no pretend to be a perfect human because I am not. Though I do have faults, I am a sinner not a saint. I have don't more wrongs that goods, but I do the best I can to right the wrongs I have done in the past, not for the sake of the other person but for my sake. I am seeking therapy for my mental health, and that is one of the best things I have done for myself. As for a while I was not doing good mentally in any way at all. I feel it has helped me turn things around for the best, and that is good enough for me for the time being. The more I work on my mental health the better I feel every day. Yes, there will be days where I do not want to just stay in bed all day long, only to get up and get the dog out for his walks to do his business and then back in bed I go. I don't even want to deal with anything or anyone at all, the times I say in bed all day, I just sleep and ignore the outside world. I don't even want to clean my apartment, shower or even brush my teeth. Nothing at all, that after probably being in bed and sleeping all day, I look and smell worse than a person without housing. When I do get up and take a shower or even brush my teeth, or just maybe wash one or two dishes or sweep the floor, it feels like is an accomplishment. After feeling like shit after who knows how long. My mental health is not 100% there but I do the best I can do at least feel 10% okay to drink some water and feed myself. I take medication for my mental health, and sometimes it feels like it is not doing what is supposed to do, but if it helps me to wake up and get out of bed to take my dog out for his walks, is an achievement that the medication helped me accomplish. And that is enough for me, I am thankful that I have my dog with me, because it gives me something to care for and makes me feel like I'm not as useless or hopeless as I may feel at times.
Every job that I have had, I always try and have a talk with the managers and such about my mental health and diabetes. To make them aware of my situation, and that sometimes I may not feel the best or myself or such. As I always put my mental health and diabetes first before any job, as if I am not feeling okay any day or my blood sugar drops, they know as they can manage the situation as they see fit. I always try and have open communication with management and coworkers a like about my mental health and diabetes and such just in case I'm not myself or feeling not okay just so they are aware and can help, as mentioned before.
Okay guys! This is all I have for today; I apologize for the long rant. I hope you guys take something out of this craziness I talked to you guys about and such. I will put some links somewhere here on the blog about mental health and others for any of you that may be needing some mental health help, someone to talk to or anything else that you may be going through. Remember you are a beautiful human being, and you are worthy of the space you have on this earth and remember that someone out there needs you and wants and cannot wait to meet you, and help you see how beautiful the world can be.
With Love,
Venuz <3
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health-strengthening-our-response
No comments:
Post a Comment